I Held My Breath For 26 YearsOct 15, 2021
I was taught that if I was successful, I would never have to worry. In this fairy tale, I was told that if I did this - everything else in my life would be blissful. I would never have to worry about my finances, my health, I would be loved and admired, I would be safe and so on. All I had to do was; work hard, push through and never give up.
And that's what I did! I worked hard applying myself to everything. I set goals and when I would achieve them, I set more. I pushed myself every day towards this idea that success = happiness, safety, love...
This pattern of pushing, doing and achieving became so ingrained in my being that I never rested. I even viewed resting to be LAZY and rude. After so many years, this mindset negatively affected the relationships in my life and I realized that I never created a relationship with myself.
This behavior of striving towards success also meant that I didn't have time for me. I didn't allow myself to feel because feeling took time away from success. I didn't grieve when I needed to. I didn't take the time to understand my wants in life. I didn't even celebrate myself. This control & avoidance pattern became so habitual that it wasn't until I broke my leg, that I even acknowledged what I was doing.
I wasn't able to sit, stand or lay down without assistance. I couldn't do anything but be present with 26 years of life experience that I never processed. I remember coming home after surgery and still trying to do all my previous tasks... When I realized I couldn't DO anymore- the wave of desperation and despair came all at once. And I took my first breath.
Im writing this to tell you that Breathwork is healing and it is also learning how to live life happily. How to invite love and joy, creativity and success. For me, breathwork has shown me my true self and helped me step into my light and share my light. Now that I know what living MY LIFE feels like, I will never have to worry.
Thank you for reading.
Co-Founder of One Breath Institute
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